And when the time is right, you and I will blossom and fly way in the wind. Together.

And when the time is right, you and I will blossom and fly way in the wind. Together.

I want someone who I don't HAVE to paint my nails for. But, when I do he'll tell me, "baby that color is beautiful with your skin". Someone who will lessen the stress instead of add to it. Make me laugh, when I wanna cry. Play with my fingers and hair. Kiss me on the eyelids and forehead. Be more than supportive of me not being the typical "light-skinned" girl. Sit with me on stormy nights and talk in the dark. Listen to music he's never heard before and listen to me babble on + on about why I love it so much. Just because he loves to hear me talk. Will go to the airport and watch planes take off with me. Will pick me up when he hugs me. Will send me texts even after we get off the phone and were supposed to be asleep. He'll take my bags even though, I tell him I'm fine. Will understand and respect my need for space, sometimes. Won't call me weird, because I like older music better than the horrible stuff out today. Someone who will let me just keep all his basketball shorts, because when I come over he gives me some so I'll be comfortable. T-shirts too. He'll trace the outline of my lips, before he kisses them. No exactly where all my beauty spots were and have a favorite one. Someone who will put all the extra sauces and ketchup in the bag when he gets me food. Because he knows that I drown my food with condiments. Tell me how much he loves how I smell like caramel or a baby. Help me with my homework, even though he has no clue as to what he's doing. Like the fact that I'm not always ladylike. He know I'm quite the tomboy. Pick me up something, because he thinks it'll look good on me. Even though I won't wanna accept it. He'll except and LOVE the fact that I'm not a slut and I don't pass myself around to every guy. Someone who isn't all about the physical, but when he is about it. It's passion at it's finest.

He'll break down the low expectations I'll have for him.

And exceed them beyond belief.

But of course, this is after I've found myself again.

"Never see it coming, you just get to see it go." - Drake

I thought I was sure about you. But truth is we can only be sure about ourselves. And sometimes, not even then.

P.S. Thunderstorms are meant to be shared with someone playing July by Drake.

This was how you and I were together.

Every flat, sharp, or natural played in my mind.

Whenever I was with you.

These little moments, tarnished and left over.

These little moments, tarnished and left over.

Recycle all over again.

I can't say this to anyone else. Because, everyone else would tell me that your no good for me. But it just sucks to know your the best and the worst all at the same time. A box full of letters, old messages, and pictures that always seem to magically pop up just when I think I've forgotten. A scent that may remind me of you. How my mind could be everywhere but on you, but then something happens and all of a sudden I remember riding in thee backseat. Or sunlight in your eyes then a kiss.

It's sad, because I know there's better than you. And because I have this little piece of me that still wants to wait and see. And because I won't accept it. And your sitting here telling me that you lay awake at night and just think sometimes. And that's supposed to NOT get to me. You can't say those kind of things to a girl and then expect it to carry on like nothing ever happened. Makes me wonder do you even know what love is.

Because when I think about it, if you wanted to prove to me so much that I'd trust you again. Why didn't you run after me when I walked away? I mean maybe that was a part of why I did walk way. To see if you'd chase me. Because it seemed to me that you'd become comfortable with the idea that I was in love with you. And I had to let you know I was tired. So after all that, now you wanna tell me.

I pray to God it's all or nothing. Because, I can't take anything in between.

"And I wonder, if I was built this way"

I painted my nails and put rollers in my hair. Just so for a moment, maybe I could feel like myself again. Who do we become once we lose ourselves and will we ever be who we once were ever again? It's obvious that I'm having a hard time trying to find laughter inside myself and walk around like everything's okay.

But that's okay too. I know this year has been really hard on me and I have to applaud myself for getting through it. I want so much and I'm gonna get it.

E.O.D EndOfDiscussion. Point________.

Once you've had everything you've ever wanted. It's hard to come back from that. Especially after it's gone.

3years3months10days.

3years3months10days.

This brings back a lot of memories.

In fact.

Too many.

I even miss how Kanye West used to look so sweet.

It's funny how time changes.

And things stick around.

And remain the same.

Raised by her mama who. Hates her baby father so. She don't have a problem with. Saying fuck a niqqa quick.

- Diary, Wale

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The curls in my face. The thoughts in my brain.

The curls in my face. The thoughts in my brain.

You know that field behind my house. It's beautiful to me. But I can't help but think someone was supposed to be sharing that thought with me. Someone was supposed to be walking beside me, with our hearts and footsteps matching. Someone was supposed to be there telling me to stop scratching my eyes, because my allergies were bothering me. Someone was supposed to be there telling me what they wanted out of life + that I agreed. And wanted those same things too. There was supposed to be someone there that made me feel just as good, if not better than the sun + the wind that graced our faces. Someone who tugged as much as I did for "us" even though we had seen many beautiful people and places. That we could have run off to.

SomeONE. Maybe the footsteps weren't there. Maybe they were. Or maybe I'll hear clacking very soon or eventually. But the hearts were always there. In line with one another, but lying discreet.

I'm just pretending not to wait for someONE to come sweep me off my feet.

Past tense.

Past tense.

Past tense.

And more past tenses.

I take notice we keep using thee wrd, had.

I wonder is tht all it'll ever be.