I wish you'd at least give me my dreams, to break away from you.

++Nagi Noda Hair Hats

I'd wear one, if I wouldn't look stupid in it.

5:35 AM

5:35 AM

I'm broken in a lot of ways, but this maybe the worst. I can only seem to concentrate on how bad it hurts. I wake up before the sun does and always before you. That says quite a lot, but I always end up with the resolution that I don't want it to be through. I put my heart in your hand and I thought with it too. I gave it to you bandaged and somewhat healed, then you dropped and kicked it too. Then for you to be so immature and be so quick to assume. You never once stopped to think, maybe it was you who brought all these dark clouds filled with so much gloom. And as bursting with precipitation as they may be, I'll never replenish your land. So you can go stand and rise above me again. This was exactly what I was frightened of, getting involved and waking up alone once again. I stuck my hands in too deep this time, when you weren't even my man. I sink back into my bed, while I know that savage part of you has been feed. I'm sorry I ever gave you the satisfaction, but now it's time for me to put this plan into action. So that maybe, I can get some traction. Stop slipping and sliding back and into you. 

At night when I wake up alone, I only want to need to want it to be through. 

Something like an epiphany, maybe even an epilogue.

Something like an epiphany, maybe even an epilogue.

It just occurred to me, you say you know my favorite love story. But all at the same time, you can't be that for me. I used to say, shame on you. But NO shame on me. 

" It was smoke in the air before, now it's me clearing it. "

I keep saying that all I want is just someone to love me + accept me for who I am. But that's entirely untrue.

I'm writing this to apologize for my ways.

I have been doing the very thing I hate the most. I never can seem to understand how you can give your all to someone + show them how much you care, but then at the end of the day. They still don't want you. All at the same, time I do it to you continuously. And you're not the first, I seem to only do it to the sincere ones. And I've had to work up the nerve to say this, because I didn't want to address it. But you know me + you know writing is my speciality. I'm sorry for not feeling the same way you do + for seeing you hurt at the fact the I'm hurt. The one thing that kind of stuck with me from my psychology class was when one of the lessons said, "most of the time we like the things that like us back." And the only reason that stuck with me was, because I totally disagree. We only seem to like or love for that matter, the things that tear + break us.

And even then, we seem to find our way right back to it again. And again. 

What it is about that girl, Aye.

What it is about that girl, Aye.

So here are 25 things you may or may not know about me.

Aye. 

1. I sometimes get my lower case D's + B's mixed up when I write.[Kindergarten issues]

2. I could eat peaches + Philadelphia Cream Cheese for the rest of my life. Yes, I eat them both TOGETHER. 

3. I have a fetish for men with scars. And I SERIOUSLY have no idea why.

4. Almost every time I eat something sweet I have to eat something salty or savory RIGHT after. And vise-versa.

5. Not knowing scares the living crap out of me.

6. I hardly ever listen to my mind. My emotions are my brain.

7. I stare into space alottttt. It strikes at the most random times. Ex. I might look in the direction of someone and my the time I snap back into it. The person is looking at me like I'm crazy like, "Wtf, are you staring at me for!?"

8. I can't do the #2 when someone else in the room. No matter how bad I have to go.

9. I have been a cheerleader for 5 years and if you asked me why I do it. I could NOT give you a straight answer.

10. I have this thing with people touching me. I feel super uncomfortable if you like link arms with me while were walking or touch me while your talking to me. I literally feel like I'm going to explode if the person doesn't get off me.

11. I've gotten to the point now that even if my dad is sober. I still don't like being around him. 

12. I'm so afraid that one day I'll regret #11.

13. I cry even when I can't point out what's wrong. And that bothers me.

14. I break out in hives when I'm extremely stressed.

15. When something hurts really bad, my neck + armpits start to itch, horribly. So imagine me hitting my toe on the edge of a chair, then moving around scratching my neck + armpits like I'm a crackhead. lmaooo

16. The one person in the world who I believe to be right for me is scared of commitment. 

17. I have HORRIBLE stretch marks, but I've learned to accept + kinda love them. Plus, guys love 'em. lol.

18. I think guys who need prescription glasses are sexy. Hence, why I would marry Lupe Fiasco. ;)

19. I get these out of no where cravings for sushi. 

20. My dream job is to work for NYLON magazine or for Janelle Monae. 

21. When I get really excited I dance uncontrollably in my room. But most times I hit my knee or foot on my dresser. So I stop. lol.

22. I hate air forces with a passion. They are like the most ugly + uncomfortable shoe I've ever owned.

23. I have a strong obsession for leather bracelets, ikat + navajo prints.

24. I had ears like Dumbo when I was little. Now my ears are extremely small. Personally, I think I grew into them.

25. My best friend's name in India means "Pimp". [APC]